Boat Thief Disguises Himself as Woman in Failed Escape Attempt

Police were hot on the trail of boat thief Joshua Kolotka in Florida when he conceived an ingenious plan – to escape detection by disguising himself as a woman. The poorly executed scheme was doomed from its very concept, given that Kolotka’s transformation left him looking nothing like his intended gender.
As deputies probed the theft of a boat in Glades County last week and identified Kolotka as their prime suspect, they commenced scouring the area for any sign of him. While on this mission, Kolotka decided to put on a dress, sunglasses, wig, and cardigan – items he keeps handy just in case he needs them to slip past authorities unnoticed.
Despite his efforts at disguise, however, it was evident that these clothes were not cut out for him; the deputies watching from afar could see right through Kolotka’s ruse as they observed a figure dressed as a woman exit a home in their search area. He was promptly apprehended and taken into custody on two warrants, charges related to boat theft, and the pilfering of a John Deere Gator.
While his fashion sense could have landed him with additional criminal offenses, deputies wisely refrained from adding such counts against Kolotka’s name. Nonetheless, they are currently investigating other possibly stolen items located onsite; detectives are checking them out to confirm their matches against records for reported heists in the area.
Although one can assume that a female impersonator would have fared better at women’s sports events than as an escape route from law enforcement, Kolotka learned otherwise: it turns out you cannot use such tactics when evading arrest!